No matter how prepared you are to reach your goals, setbacks are a natural part of life. At some point, you'll experience the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or an injury that shakes you to your core. While your personality may be cheery and upbeat and your belief in yourself strong and secure, experiences like these can cause you to doubt your ability to overcome these challenges.
The choice is yours. Will you shatter along with the circumstances, or do you prefer to stand taller, speak louder, and become the strong, confident individual who breaks through the barriers?
How to Recover From Shattered Confidence
Shattered confidence doesn't just affect you in the present. If it's not dealt with and rebuilt, it will have long-lasting repercussions. Thankfully, with the right mindset and the proper tools, you can overcome the circumstances that caused the problem.
In order to do this, you'll need to take a few steps:
1. Accept what's happened.
Bargaining with your higher power, refusing to admit that the challenge exists, and just ignoring it and hoping it will go away will not work. Before you can change your circumstances and your mindset, you'll need to acknowledge where you are.
2. Review the warning signs.
Often, when life hits us with a two-by-four, there were warning signs leading up to the clobber. Perhaps your boss dropped hints about you not living up to expectations, or your partner was emotionally absent for months before asking for a breakup. Review what led up to the incident and identify the signals. Then, keep an eye out for them in the future.
3. Fake it till you believe it.
Every human being on this planet deals with confidence issues and insecurity. The difference is that some of them square their shoulders, slap a smile on their face, and go about their lives while others share their insecurities with anyone and everyone that will listen. Get a close friend or family member to confide in when you feel down. In all other situations, exude the confident personality you envision the perfect you has. You will get more comfortable with that personality as time goes on.
4. Do it again.
You've heard the saying, "Get back on the horse," and it's life advice to live by. You will fall down. You will miss your goals. You will make a fool of yourself. And if you never go after that goal again, that's the only time you've truly failed.
How to Rebuild Confidence in All Areas of Your Life
Depending on what has happened, your confidence can be shattered in different areas of your life. In fact, just because you've lost your confidence in one area doesn't mean that it's been destroyed across the board. Let's take a look at how to rebuild your confidence in different scenarios.
Rebuilding Confidence From Scratch
Many people don’t have any self-confidence to begin with. Millions of people are walking around this planet unsure of themselves, insecure in their abilities, and feeling worthless.
Depending on how you were brought up, you may never have actually developed that feeling that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Here are a few ways to build yourself up:
1. Write a timeline of your life.
While you may not feel like you've accomplished anything or overcome anything, you have. You've likely reached some goals that you or society set. Write these down and then take some time to celebrate your achievements.
2. Take a skills inventory.
Everyone is born with innate skills, and it’s important not to take those for granted. Are you an excellent writer, are you a talented artist, or are you able to whip up a soufflé? Recognize that not everyone can do those things, and that's what makes you special.
3. Create a "Needs Improvement List."
Everyone has a few areas that can use some attention. If it's a skill that you'd like to be better at, look into learning how. If it's a skill that you can do without, find a way to farm it out to someone else.
Rebuilding Confidence After a Setback
If you've experienced a setback in your life, you're likely pretty down on yourself right now. Here's how to get yourself out of the funk.
1. Change your language.
Beating yourself up for what has happened will only serve to make you feel worse. Choose your words and your thoughts wisely and focus on speaking positively about who you are. "I am" statements can help strengthen your confidence.
2. Visualize success.
See yourself facing the challenge and coming out the victor. How do you feel? What will you say?
Rebuilding Confidence at Work
Did you mess up a project or ask for a raise and were told you hadn't earned it? If so, you may be a little hesitant to get back in the game. These tips can help:
- Identify what went wrong and create a plan for similar situations in the future.
- Ask for more training (or seek it out on your own). The more you learn, the better prepared you'll be going forward.
- Focus on the wins. What's going well in your world? Recognize that the sky isn't falling (only a small piece of it) and that there are good things going for you.
Rebuilding Confidence After Long-Term Adversity
After a long period of adversity, you may feel beaten down by life. Here's how to stand up stronger:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Everyone has their own journey to travel, and when you compare yourself to someone who is years ahead of you, you'll destroy your confidence with statements like "I should be doing as well as them." Recognize that you are living your life and no one else's, and accept that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
2. Convey confidence with your body.
Research shows that holding "power poses" (standing up straight, shoulders back, hands on hips) will actually make you feel more confident. Pay attention to your posture and gradually correct any slouching you've fallen into.
Rebuilding Confidence After a Breakup
We've all been there. The man or woman you thought was your "forever" turned out to be less than you wanted. How do you rebuild your confidence and jump back into the dating pool?
1. Surround yourself with loved ones.
Your family and friends can help build you back up and make you realize that you are lovable and worthwhile.
2. Hit the gym or the salon.
Your physical appearance has a lot to do with how you feel inside. Starting a workout regimen and getting a new look can help you feel confident and ready to get back in the game.
3. Recognize that not everyone is meant to be together.
There's nothing wrong with you; you just don't fit with your last partner.
4. Take the time to feel your emotions without dwelling.
Feeling sad for a bit is natural at the end of any relationship. On the other hand, heading out to meet new people is a must after a breakup.
There's no question as to whether you'll face adversity throughout your life. However, you don't have to let these setbacks shatter your confidence for long. With these tools and tricks, you'll be feeling better than your old self in no time.
